sad | BirkeyBlog

Today, I am working on our worship service for the Upper Room service tomorrow at Calvary Memorial Church. It is a Communion Sunday, and the first one since Pastor Ray Pritchard has left. It will be weird leading in the midst of all of the pain and hurt I am feeling over the loss of friends, and the turmoils at church. It will also be emotionally difficult because of the loss I feel and my grief over Steve.

At right is a painting I did during my “dark” years… entitled: “Depression” — it expresses how I was feeling at a dark time in my life, and reminds me of how I am feeling these days.

Tomorrow, I plan to use a song in worship by Fernando Ortega called “Lord of Eternity.” We also used it during a slide show at Steve’s memorial service on September 19th, 2005.

The lyrics to the chorus are:

Lord of Eternity
Father of Mercy
Look on my fainting soul
Keeper of all the stars
Friend of the poorest heart
Touch me and make me whole

I have made this my own prayer.

What can you say when a friend dies from brain cancer prematurely, leaving behind a loving husband and two small children? Where do you put the emotions that erupt as you hear and watch the 5-year old daughter crying out for her Mommy at the funeral home? What do you say to Mike as you stand next to him at the casket, gazing at the empty shell that once housed his closest friend and lover?

Dear Pam, we miss you!

• What will it be like for Mike to go to bed tonight without his dearest friend by his side?
• What will it be like to wake up with your daughter and son in bed with you, because they miss their mommy too?
• How do you think about and prepare for the days, weeks and years ahead?

These are questions I have as I think about the loss of Pam and put myself in Mike’s shoes.

Mike – we will keep you and the kids in our prayers!